redundance

went to sentosa to meet kong ju and her kids in the evening. ate steamboat and spent some time strolling along the beach before eading back to darling's hse.

darling called ard 10 plus to say tt he's going to meet tortoise to bring him his phone and then will be back for dinner. then i rushed back home, not forgetting to buy some food back to prepare for my dear darling.

arrived home, prepared the food and put them into the fridge tinking tt i will cook later when darling gets back ard 12 or 1 plus.

then the horror starts...

darling called to say he come back to change and is going to fly with his frenz?
i was lyk wad? u say u after meeting tortoise downstairs u will come back and i prepare everything waiting for u le. but he said nvm, i cook le then he come back then eat.

then when he reached home to change, i tried to either change his mind or to ask him bring mi along, but then he appeared very irritated. he jus told mi to"u stay at home larz." when i ask him," why u need to always go out with ur frenz de?" he jus said in a irritated tone, ai yah, u wan to tink lyk tt then u tink lyk tt lorz." and jus went out.

darling, i rush home buy things back to cook for u cuz u said u will be home. and i waited to be able to eat together with u. u noe how sad i am now? its lyk i put in alot of effort but u lyk dun even appreciate. I not dun wan u to go out but i really very disappointed u noe? And u jus now treat mi tt way.

sometimes i wan to do lots of things for u, wan to make u happy, then suddenly u say u not coming back, u noe how i feel?u ask urself, not the first time le rite? is it then u wan me to not put in so much effort in our relationship? becuz i cant feel tt u appreciate. ur fren juz ask and u can go meet them. u say say wan go le cannot reject. then y can reject mi?darling, i really very very sad.really. is this how u show mi u love mi?

then jus now u still show mi a very irritated face. shdnt i be the wan who shd be angry instead? but u xiong mi!

everytime u ask mi to go out, i got reject u marz? u always tell mi last min and i hav to cancel my plans jus to accomodate u, but i nv complain before. why i need to do so? cuz u are more impt. yes, u are more impt tts why i cancel my plans jus to make myself available for u. i do everything jus for u. i try to do alot of diff stuff for u, i go all out to show how much i love u, how much u meant to mi. u? wad did u do?

i dun need to do all these. all these juz make mi more busy and tired. but i do all becuz u meant everything to mi.

ask u alittle u will get irritated. if u wan mi to dun care about u, dun care wad u do, where u go, who u are with, how u feel, i can. u jus hav to give mi time to stop loving u. then i guess y life will be easier. ask staciy elaine they all, ask my colleagues, why everytime they ask mi go club i nv go? ask them and they will tell u its all becuz of u. becuz i dun wan u to worry, becuz i dun wan u to get angry, becuz i noe u dun lyk becuz u are everything to mi, becuz of u.

my world turns colorful becuz of u,my world turn dull becuz of u. my world turns bright becuz of u, my world turns pitch-black becuz of u. ALL BECUZ OF U.

the post tt elaine requested a few days back :)

elaine elaine Elaine eLaine elAine elaIne elaiNe elainE elaine elaine

Elaine eLaine elAine elaIne elaiNe elainE elaine elaine elaine elaine

elaine elaine elaine Elaine eLaine elAine elaIne elaiNe elainE elaine

elaine Elaine eLaine elAine elaIne elaiNe elainE elaine elaine elaine

elaine elaine Elaine eLaine elAine elaIne elaiNe elainE elaine elaine

Elaine eLaine elAine elaIne elaiNe elainE elaine elaine elaine elaine

elaine elaine elaine elaine Elaine eLaine elAine elaIne elaiNe elainE

elaine Elaine eLaine elAine elaIne elaiNe elainE elaine elaine elaine

elaine elaine Elaine eLaine elAine elaIne elaiNe elainE elaine elaine

Elaine eLaine elAine elaIne elaiNe elainE elaine elaine elaine elaine


Okie, so elaine, here is a hundred of ELAINEs for u. Happy? u better be lorz, later staciy and alicia see le will jealous and if i get bash up horz, is u hai mi de lorz. haha.lol
(jus joking, they wun do this de haha)

rushing out now, will come back to post more after i return home. :)

rush here rush there

darling told mi after he reach home, " darling tell u a gd new."

"what thing?" i replied, quite skeptically.

And he said," tml i off so we go out shop," i was about to celebrate when he added, " but i hav to wake up at 11 plus and call jimmy to go work then dye and cut my hair, then i come back to fetch u and then we go tampines together i need to pass phone to joshua, then we go shop lorz, then 8 lyk tt i got to go dinner."

i was lyk," er,so we wun hav time to shop and walk ard already lorz, after all ur stuffs, so its actually i pei u than u pei mi lorz."

he replied confidently, " ai yah , will hav time de larz, still got 3 to 4 hrs to shop de larz..."

and then?

u guessed it. in the end jimmy turned up late, darling came to fetch mi ard 5 plus, we reach tampines ard 6pm, and talk to joshua awhile(business talk so bo bian) then went straight to the food court to eat kuey zap, delicious. then after tt hav to go off le, darling is running late for dinner. thus thus i went off to meet agnes at orchard. sweet darling sent mi over. :) muacks, and he promised to find another day to really PEI mi go shopping haha, so long nv go out with darling le.

gal gal arh, tok to mi on the phone so soft so demure, i tot i toking to the wrg person larz, lol. end up she say its cuz she in the toilet cannot tok too loud. haha, being a long time since i last saw her, nice to noe tt she is leading a gd life noe. we walk ard, gossip and joke ard. and we went crazy with strawberries lol rite? ;)

wanted to meet jessica but end u she busy and tired so nv meet her. haha, one day u muz come out horz, jessica lau xiu fen! haha, our ta ta jie.

sent agnes to the subway before i went off to take 124. see darling i so guai, going home wait for u already lorz. hmph. make sure u sayang mi when u come back horz. hur! haha lol.

auntie cooked some really nice foodies, i shall go eat now haha. ta-da!

blank

went for some 7th month bidding dinner, i dunno wad it is called larz, at chinatown with lilian, ta korkor and alan's parents. it certainly was an eye-opener for mi, haha, all the shouting for bids, the funny way the emcee describes the numbers for aspiciousness.

towards the end of the dinner, kor, lilian and mi went off cuz we are going to terry's hse for majong. well, darling will be out with ren wei at alvin's pub thus i tagged along lorz. haha first time go terry de hse. :)

fast forward abit larz, pel wanted to go out i guess, and i wanna go out too thus she went to change, make up and off we went to double o. haha, terry ask her not to drink too much and go over board. well i guess terry they all noe alan will be worried abt mi ba, somemore terry ask pel to take care of mi, lol. then i called darling to tell him i going dbl o will pel and he replied u two only? u siao arhz? lol but i tei say he lat time said i can go out with frenz go clubbing once a while. and its pel marz, not any other fren lehz, and we will be back early cuz jus wanna relax nia. thus darling agreed. then he msg mi "there more dangerous, better becareful." so sweet! hee.

so we went in, got a bucket of corona extra cuz there is freaking no heniken(i dunno how to spell), chat shake abit and look ard( first time inside marz haha) ard 1 hr plus lyk tt then we head back to terry hse le. haha, out to relax 1 hr also good marz. haha. the interesting ting is there's two malay guy who hit on us i suppose but then i told them tt i hav bf already, and pel best, haha, she say she married got children liao!! haha,and show them terry's photo with someone's baby i tink haha. so funny. then they go out smoke after a while and we ran off whaaha..

darling came to fetch mi at ard 3 plus and they still wan to continue majong, haha, i tink ah keong kor kor next day will slp during work sia haha.

i dunno wad title to put.lol

ppl, is it very fun to make ppl drunk?
see ppl drunk till cannot walk straight/ wan to vomit very nice mehz?
seriously i dun understand lehz.

haiz, baby came home drunk ytd.
okie larz, at first he still can tahan. but after a while then he felt lyk vomiting. then he vomited.
then he concasted. then he woke up to vomit again. AND ALL THE WHILE EVEN STARTING FROM THE MOMENT HE IS BACK TILL HE SLPT HE LOOKED AS THOUGHT HE IS IN REAL DEEP DISCOMFORT OKIE!!!

i hate it when darling came home drunk. why?
LET MI TELL U!

I DUN LYK TO SEE BABY IN DISCOMFORT!
I FEEL WORRIED AND SAD TO SEE HIS DISTRESSED EXPRESSION.
I DUN LYK BABY TELLING MI 'ITS ALRITE, I AM OKIE' CUZ I KNOW HE IS NOT!
I DUN LYK AND DUN FEEL AT ALL GOOD TO KNOW TT BABY WILL WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING WITH AN UNEASINESS IN HIS STOMACH!
I DUN LYK TO SEE DARLING VOMIT ALREADY STILL STRUGGLE TO WANT TO CLEAN UP THE MESS HE MADE JUST CUZ HE DUN WAN TO INCONVENIENT MI EVEN THOUGH HE KNOWS I WILL SO WILLINGLY TIDY UP FOR HIM.

the thing is, it is not about the mess tt he will make, but rather i dun lyk/dun wan/ dun bear to see him in tt state of distress. i dunno why but to mi, its heartaching, it pains mi to see.

but i guess this will not be the last time i see all tt i dun lyk.
wad can i do seriously?

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*

ytd i msg darling during work, and he asked whether i ate already. i answered no, i m waiting for baby to cook for mi. he replied later lorz. really? he said ya. so i msg to tell him i am so happy. rushed home from work, but then he msg to say tt he got to meet terry to pass him money. i said okie and asked how long will he stay? he replied 1 plus and thus thus thus i waited.
but then he came home looking not rite, at 2 plus nearing 3am. so in the end, i had to cook for him. and guess wad? he is in no condition to eat. why? see above larz.
he tried but well really cant, thus asked mi if its alrite if he leave it to the next day and eat it for brkfast. wad to do? so i said yes, can larz. and he immediately retired to his room. later wad happened? if u had read the above post, then u all shd noe lorz.
haiz.

i am so tired.

shall go slp le.

`*`*`*`*`*`*

au naturel?

i read this article randomly online:

Why men crave real(not perfect) bodies

but its too long so i m not gonna show it here. but the last paragraph is very amazing.

" This is the part I think women don’t understand. When a guy falls in love, his lover’s body parts become bewitching. I’m not going to tell you that our heads don’t turn when we see a stacked blond walking down the street. But when we fall for you—really, really fall for you—you hijack our sense of beautiful. What’s sexy to us? You—in the "before" picture. "

but i guess it only applies to guys that are ready to move into a long-term, stable relationship. Commitment. haha.

`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*

if you are given a choice to change any 1 part of ur body(no cost, no nothing), what part of ur body are u going to change?
why?
will ur other half understand the need to change? or will he tink that he has been cheated by u because a part of u is not real?

for me, i haven really thought about this question yet, though i asked baby before,after watching 200 pound beauty.

" Do guys lyk girls who did plastic surgery? its lyk so nice marz, sexy, fuller breasts, long slender legs, fuller lips, high cheekbones, doe-like eyes, sharper more defined nose, every guys see le will wan to own her lorz." i said.

but baby replied, " ya lar, its nice larz, good to look at but so wad? cannot touch marz, touch already noe its fake, then during make out muz be careful, cannot too rough, later nose slant, waterbag/silicone burst or sth, and if u noe its fake from the start or after u noe, somehow the feeling is not the same le..."

i rmb one of my fren said about plastic gals, " its lyk an ornament, can see only, cannot touch. lyk the shopping center display-pls do not touch the display. lol. "

but i ask again, " but dun u wan a gf to hav maybe bigger breasts or sth? a sexy diva tt all ur frens will be jealous about?"

and he replied, " i dunno about other guys larz, but tt is jus wad girls think ma. to mi, its not neccessary to hav a bigger wan, but if larz, if only arhz, if hav then jiu lyk bonus lorz. smaller also nvm de ma."

haiz, i guess tts y i love u so much baby dear. :)

wad a splurge

i was juz browsing some stuffs online, doing some work when suddenly i found this:

Diamond-encrusted LG PRADA KE850 Luxury mobile phone

Lined with real diamonds okie!! graded G-H, tt phone is coated with platium.
Price?? 1299 GBP sterling.

haha, its sure nice larz, but i guess if u ask mi if i would buy, even if i hav the money i tink i will wan to, but still not buy in the end. why? imagine u lose the phone? faints!
also, gd to see, indeed raises ur status but then well, it does not really justify the need to have the phone marz. rite? although i noe its tailor-made and flown in but the functions still the same as the normal LG PRADA phone marz.
or will u be tempted? hee.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

oh yah, baby darling treat mi better already. i told him wad happen after he left and he is sweeter now. but dunno will last how long lorz. hee.

went to office and then to yishun to pass edna her policy. she now works in ocbc, gd pay man. haha. chatted over some food at a nearby coffee shop, so long time nv see her le lorz. gossips, ask ard, as usual larz. left ard 10 plus, cuz i was lazy thus took 855 straight to darling's hse. i am very happy! darling called, and say tt he is going straight home, and i said i at katib, going home to accompany him for dinner(auntie got cook marz).

guess wad? he really waited for mi to hav dinner together with him.( i arrived home at ard 11 plus 12!! he was home since 10 plus!!) hee, and he still waited for mi to bath before eating together. :) although he got me to cook for him later on *(o.O)* but nvm hee.

and baby xiong mi!!! but nvm, cuz its he scared if i drink cold drinks later i will get cramps again. then i show him the "sian-ed" face, and innocently say," babyyYyy..., where got ppl menses 1 week haven finish de........" haha, he replied with a 'oh ya hor'.

wads with u ?

today darling woke up early to go to work. because he wanted to bring his laptop to work, i need to retrieve a website tt victoria asked mi to msg her. so after darling shut down the com and go bath, i switch it on again to retrieve the data. since, he is not yet ready, i decided to just load xiaxue's blog and glance thru.
unforturnately, darling came in and while changing his clothes, seeing wad i am doing he said, " wake up early in the morning dun wan do ur things go online read other ppl's blog, u bo liao leh u. u wan to waste my time izzt?"
i was uber shock tt he scold mi early in the morning and still say mi bo liao, WASTE HIS TIME!okie lorz, nvm, i jus retorted," u haven change finish marz." and nv bother to explain why i switch on the com.i just shut down( and he is jus ready) an help him to roll up the wire and help him pack. tt is when the second blow hit mi, " dun lyk tt roll larz, will spoil de lehz."
i questioningly look at him, and he looked back in distaste, telling mi not to touch. seriously! i only wanted to help him. fine. then he went to work, while i trail him to the door.
after he left, its lyk it finally dawn on mi wad he said tt i started crying uncontrollably in his room.
alot of thoughts goes thru my mind:
he doesnt love mi anymore?
he smiles more naturally with his frenz in photos why?
he doesnt seem to lyk taking photos with mi now, why?
he seems to be used to mi being ard him, always there for him. so he has grown used to mi and not love?
he seems to need his frenz more than mi.
am i important to him at all?
if i am still important, where is my place? am i still the number 1 person in his heart?
is he taking mi for granted? i tink so, and everyone says so.
i seem to make it so easy for him, if i am ever pissed, he jus hav to coax mi and i will be drown in his words again and again.
i do so many things for him, he already knew i will not leave him.
i seem to hav spoiled him alot, way too much.
.........................................

.
.
.
.
lastly, i nearly wanted to give up this relationship so tt i would not hav to cry again. this thought crossed my mind and i tried to push it down. i noe, i love u alot, way too much maybe. i enjoyed myself the most, felt the most blissful moments but no doubt i cried the most with u, felt the most pain, saddness. so wad shd i do?

in the end, i msg him:
i feel tt u lyk not happy when i am ard u. u r happier with ur frenz. u smile more naturally when u r with them. maybe u r tired alrdy. i am not important to u anymore. i dunno if u still love mi anymore. or u are jus used to having me ard becuz i always wan to be with u. but do u really wan to be with mi i really duno.

he replied:
i love u darling.

i wrote:
now i noe u still love mi, but am i the most important to u? answer mi seriously, truely. i need to noe.

he replied:
ya

i wrote again:
ya means yes, okie or anything?

he replied:
yes my dear.

thanks for replying mi. i hope all this will still stand. if not, i dunno if i hav the courage to go through all this again.

PLS rmb wad u msged mi today.

waiting for my darling biibiii again

haiz, i hate it when darling dunno how to reject ppl, how to say no to his frenz.

he jus told mi over the phone(cuz i called him and its 3 plus le), that he is waiting for tortoise to change into jeans as they are going to dragonfly with guofu and his new gf and i dunno who else. and when i say if i say no u cannot go u will also go de rite? he still dare say yes, and then added on tt he really dun wan to go but then tortoise keep asking him to go so he go even though he knows tt he is falling sick very damn soon, by a margin only but he still choose to go. said that tortoise going overseas soon le, seldom ask him go out so he go.

darling i thought u say u noe how to take care of urself? and u still dare tell mi haiz, i noe, i already coughing, go there not drinking le, i dun wan drink martell, sure die de, beer still can............ dun worry i very fast come back de.... blah blah..... wad crap is this lorz?

firstly its already 3 plus, how to very fast u tell mi? i already experience before ur very fast, its a freaking 2hrs later lorz. i really wonder if i tell u darling i feeling damn sick now, keep wanting to vomit can u faster come back pei mi? i tink u will come back 2 hrs later and see mi on the floor, passed out with a very faint pulse. i noe, its a very 'kua zhang' scenario but then how can i not help but tink tt way?

secondly, put mi in ur shoes, we exchange roles okie, i feeling sick, falling sick soon and u noe. then i tell u staciy birthdae or staciy needs mi to pei her go some places to party the nite off and i promised her or i put her aeroplane once then cannot put another time le. will u let mi go? u sure wun de, u will tell mi i falling sick le still go, go already something happen how? u wan make mi worry arh? u so big le dun noe how to take care of urself arhz? and then u will put on the irritated xiong xiong face for mi to see. and for sure i will kenna scolded by u. correct. wun be wrg de. then mi lehz? i wun worry mehz? even if i noe u guy i girl different u will say but then u human i also human wad? so its still the same, in any unforseeen circumstances u will also get hurt de wad, u not robot or god lorz. so i will still get worried de okie. i will also tink why u so big le dunno how to take care of urself, dunno wad time to go wad time to not go. if lyk tt how am i suppose to noe if other girls keep asking u then u will u really go with them? cuz its same wad, they same as ur fren also keep asking marz? then how?

darling i really dun understand y other ppl de gf can affect or hav the ability to change their bf's decision but only i cant. why? does it shows something? is it tt something tt i keep pushing off and pretend not to notice? am i doing the rite thing? or shd i set everything rite once and for all?
yes i love u tonnes, seriously but time and again, such issue keeps coming up and budging mi.



to someone out there reading: u wun understand, u can tell mi to dun tink too much but when it happens to u and him u will definitely not be lyk mi jus keep quiet until i really cannot stand. when u finally find out tt he nv listen to u and still go out to party even though u dun wan him to go, U WILL QUARREL WITH HIM WITH ALL UR MIGHT. U WILL. I NOE.

another day passed

today was supposed to go dragonfly for jia xin's birthdae celebration de. but cuz i hav the stupid stomachache thus cannot go. darling dun allow mi to go too even if i say okie le. darling also nv go cuz he feeling sick, lyk u noe, when u noe u are about to fall sick and if u go party the next day sure sick till can die de. so i stayed at home and did some hsework, watch tv, arrange my policies. haiz. i misss darling when he is out working.

darling came back home to pei mi straight after work, hee, so happy that darling ask mi to cook things eat i went to do straight without a word. :) after a simple meal, we lay down on the bed to watch ' 命中注定我爱你 '. funny how fate would bring ppl together huh?


i asked darling alot of questions tt i nv asked before and his replies really touches my heart. he is genuinely concern about mi, loves mi and never thinks selfishly. he respects mi, and my decisions. when there is things tt i cldnt give him due to certain circumstances, he doesnt mind at all. when i offer him alternatives to make him happy, he said no, because i AM his gf. he cannot treat mi tt way cuz it is not gd for mi. he said if we shd, we shd enjoy together, and not him only, its not fair to mi.

after listening to these, i am so touched. and now i understand why sometimes even though he is so hard to understand, so difficult to uncover, i still loves him so much and stayed by his side, willing to do anything for mi. cuz he is TRUE to mi.

Darling thx for everything in the past, present and also future tt u did and will do for mi. i love u.

something interesting

came acrossed this when i was randoming surfing the net.


IS HE READY TO GET SERIOUS ?
the tell-tale signs and all


He rarely mentions his ex. A guy who has no interest in making a fling the real thing will constantly bring up his ex ... in a good or bad light. However, if he leaves her where she belongs — in the past — save for a few necessary dating-history details, the path is clear for you.

He sticks to his word. Guys are infamous for saying they'll call you tomorrow or take you to meet their buds ... and then conveniently forgetting all about it. So, if your new squeeze delivers on his word, it means he doesn't want to burn a bridge with you. In fact, he probably wants to build one.

He touches you the right way. You don't need to be a body-language expert to know the difference between the hands-on attention of a guy looking for booty (think breast skim) and the sweet stud with commitment on his mind (think hair stroking). So, what are his paws doing?

He grants you access. A surefire sign that a man wants the bond to blossom? He doesn't shut you out when he's out of sorts. If he sucked at his ball game or had a crappy day at work, an emotionally invested babe will — mostly — let you be part of the ups and the downs.

TRUE OR NOT?

Well, you'll decide.

as for mi, darling did tok about his ex before we got together. then after we got together he stopped and nv speak of her again unless i ask. as for sticking to his words, okie larz, well sometimes he forget to call cuz he is busy or he is tired but well still acceptable ba, at least.
he definitely touches mi the rite way, and treats mi with respect. but for granting access, even though i expressed tt i would stick to him thru thick and thin, i would not laugh at his mistakes, willing to listen to his troubles, share his joys, he stills lyk to keep things to himself, mostly. i tink its cuz he is such an MCP. he says he dont want mi to worry, but on the contrary i worry more cuz he dun speak it out.

baby will always tink for mi, lyk sometimes i wan to tag along with him to places and he will tink and say i stay at home. but he will nv tell mi the reason cuz he tot no need. when actually is he dun wan mi to rush here or there/ dun wan me to go out then come back jus an hour or 2 then need to go wash up again/ scared i down there bo liao cuz i noe no one/ i need to work early next morning he wan me to slp more/ i not feeling well or jus recovered but but BUT HE WILL NV TELL MI ALL THESE UNTIL WE QUARREL OR I THROW TANTRUMS CUZ ALL I NOE IS HE DUN LET MI GO ONLY. so see, baby, some things arent meant to be silent cuz u cant expect ppl to noe wad u are tinking. and how can i tink 'oh darling sayang mi so dun wan me to go.' cuz its lyk i am bluffing myself, unconvincing.

haiz. loving someone who has a scorpio personality is so hard, so torturing...

just my rantings again

ytd darling fetch mi and we got home together. went to pack some foody back as we have not eaten.

darling ask mi to go order bbq chicken take away thus i proceeded to find the stall. but as i rmb darling say before the bbq chicken from one of the stall is not nice so i tot there is another stall. i look over to him in a questioning glance. and his hand sign was 'twirling of his wrist/hand twice'. hence i tot was to ask mi to go further down. but finding no stalls and darling was somehow very easily irritable today and i got some scoldings. :(

he went and ordered from tt stall himself and mi still trying to understand why, cuz if he wan tt stall he could hav jus nodded then i would order from there le marz. still in the state of confusion and downess, i went to another stall and collected our stuffs. everything jus went blur as i then jus blindly followed him home after tt to avoid any scoldings or something similar wadsoever.

reach home, help to set the table, ate, watch tv, then when his parents retired then i ask him, "darling why are u so irritated today? " he then replied tt its cuz he today very tired. i noe u are tired i can sense tt but tt doesnt mean u could take it all out on mi wad. i am ur darling leh, i got feelings wan okie. u can sa-jiao u can ask mi to do anything for u cuz u are tired and i noe but u cant lyk tt bark at mi wad.

darling u noe i hated to be scolded by u.
u noe i hated to be treated lyk i am not needed by u.
u noe i hate MCPs.
u noe i hated eveytime u 'tsk' at mi.
u noe i hated when u always keep wad u really truly feel towards mi in ur heart and dun say out and expect mi to always noe tt u love mi.
but to noe and to feel is a totally different thing. different. my brain knows tt u love mi but my heart wan to feel ur love for mi every now and then.
u noe u are a man of few words when it comes to relationship but u could always try rite?

and darling do u noe how much i love u ?
and i always shower u with lots of tiny little lovey actions to let u feel.
i love to do masks for u, to squeeze zits and apply cream for u.
i love to pluck out facial hairs for u while u watch tv, to tidy up ur brows sometimes too.
i love to trim ur nails for u, applying moisturising cream on ur hands tt appear dry due to work.
i love to look at ur slpy face when u doze off before mi, to caress ur hair and give u a peck on the forehead.
i love to sniff darling, cuz u always has a very nice smell, makes mi feel very at ease, very relax :)
i love to make breakfast, lunch, dinner or supper for u sometimes, washing up the plates after tt too.
i love to slp in the living room with u if kor kor came back to slp in the lower deck once in a while.
i love to give u a kiss, a hug, and send u out to the door saying darling jia you before u go to work if i am still at home.
i love to remind u to bring ur neccessities out to work, and checking after u left tt u haven forgot any.
i love to hug him went he is back even when he is sticky, but he always scold mi cuz he haven bath but i bath le.
i love to stop wad i am do suddenly and look into ur eyes and tell u ' i love u '/ give u a sudden hug or a sudden peck on the lips randomly( or msg) everyday everytime.
i love to say gd nite darling, sweet dreams before i slp everyday.
i love to do all this jus simply because i love u.
( i hav nv done all to my exs...)

but must also give darling some credit cuz he did make mi feel so loved sometimes.
i love it when he tells mi he loves mi even thou its lyk twice in a blue blue moon.
i love it when darling carry my into his room sometimes.
i love it when darling let mi sit on his lap while he do his things online or we while we talk or watch tv.
i love it when darling hug mi tight and put his head on my shoulder.
i love it when i am laying in his arms, watching tv or slping.
i love it when darling say thank you jus because i help him to do wadever tt is mentioned a few lines above.
i love it when darling kiss mi when i am asleep, before he goes out to work, or went he came back from partying with his frenz.
i love it when he say darling we go out together tml okie?

:)

back from illuzion

firstly its tortoise's birthdae,
HAPPIE BIRTHDAE TORTOISE!!!

went to illuzion with keong kor and lilian. saw the same old bunch of ppl there, meiling, jie jie, heng korkor, guofu, anson, boon, yong xiong, robert, elaine, terry and pel( his new gf which is damn fun larz) :) Met darling there cuz he was busy at work and went home to change and grab some bite. saw marcus too and since it was centuries since i last saw him, asked him about his work, his business wanting to know more. quite interesting actually. :)

come to tink of tt, if any of my client needs anything, i could refer quite a handful of darling's frenz, from photo copier, those forklifter or something, patented window or door panels, house moving, handphones, cars, banking services, etc and the list will goes on...

i tink cuz darling got busy with his frens straight after he went into illuzion thus i started to feel lyk he does not need mi. i started to feel distant for sometime, and he didnt seem to notice till late. and when i said, : " baby lets take a phto together, it has been so long since we took pictures..." he answered mi with a, " nah... tsk, later larz..."

in which i replied u dun like taking photos with mi? and he keep saying later. why? i asked myself. and i dun seem to understand. but he could smile happily taking loads of photos with others. shd i then drop myself down to the level of others before him before he would wan to automatically wan to take photos with mi? wad is wrg with us? i really truely deeply dun dun dun at all understand. at all.

thus i tink i drink quite abit cuz i am now very high and maybe i wun even rmb wad i wrote now tml. on the way home when darling drove, i tink all my emotions got loose and i sobbed on the way home. darling took note of it and asked mi why i cry when we reached the car park. i dunno how to answer him then. i tink after i removed my make up and i found scratches on my knees, darling asked again and i said that darling dun seem to care much about me lyk he last used to. he said i tink too much, i said i was so afraid, afraid tt one day darling would jus throw mi away.
he pulled mi to him and said with a very tired and slpy face, he will not. he loves mi. i jus nodded.

as it was late already, he asked mi to go bath and i nodded again, glad tt i had spoke my feelings out. i had beeen very stressed. all ard mi, my frenz, sisters were having relationship problems, break ups, quarrels, stress from work, cuz my client base isnt strong enough, darling seems to go out everyday after work, tired and shag when he come back, the replies from his smses seems unfeeling, on top of being almost single lettered or single worded, and i turned paranoid. but deep in my heart i also know tt darling is stressed also, from work, tired too thus i buried all inside my heart. its jus the alcohol tt made mi spoke up.

darling, u are everything to mi and u shd hav already know this by now.
u made mi smile when u smiled or laugh , u made mi feel sad and pain in my heart when u seem stressed and lethargic. u made mi a shadow of ur every emotions.

i dun rmb a time when i would do every little thing to make a guy feel special, loved and happy. jus a praise from u, a smile of appreciation, a pat of care and concern would make my day. u are certainly the first, and the last tt i can tink of.

darling sorry for making u worry, for i am a sensitive girl tt constantly need ur shower of love and care for thou only thrive in thy loving touch. 'tis true.

i love u Alan chua. thou shalt always do. :)

back at biibii's hse

somehow, somewhat or rather i am beginning to feel tt darling dun love me as much as he does 1 and half yr ago.
somehow i feel tt he is tired of this relationship already.
somehow my head keeps telling mi that he is only acting in obligations towards mi.
somehow, my intuitions tell mi that somewhere some place, trouble is brewing.

1 and half yr ago, i am very certain where this relationship will lead mi, us.
1 and half yr ago, i was very sure that all he has in his eyes, in his heart, was mi.
i was certain tt he was my last, we will walk down the aisle with god's blessings, together despite sickness, till old age do we part.

am i wrg about it ?

now if u asked mi again, i am not so sure now.
i dun noe if wad i tot 1 and half yr ago will materialize or not.
i dunno if i can trust my feelings or my intuitions now, because they made mi confused. they messed up my heart and my brain.
not tt i dun trust my dear. i trust him. i trust tt when he is in a relationship, he will not go around looking for another, needtheless to say play with the girls outside. this i fully trust him.
but why why did i feel tt he dun love mi so much anymore. i can not longer feel his passion, its lyk already halfed if there is still some left. why ?

or maybe he is really jus too tired too stressed in his work? he doesnt confided in me thus it weighs on more on him? then thus it explains for the feeling of neglectance from him? and if so then my feeling of neglect would do injustice to him.

maybe i tink too much? cuz all around mi, my frenz are getting break offs, quarrels and fights and maybe tt sort of scares mi thus i had all predetermined images and eerie feelings with mi, confusing mi even more? darling always tells mi i tink too much when i ask about his neglectance of mi. he would tell mi tt jus as i understands him, he wont be with mi for so long if he dont love mi. he would hav broke off with mi already, for he is quite a practical person as i hav observed.

but why last time he used to msg mi with a dear i go ...... or dear, i...... but now, his msgs starts with i go illuzion.... i go .... i ..... haiz, i dun noe if this is a sign or wad. love u, miss u and muacks was in abundance 1yr plus ago but now, its lyk every once in twice blue moon. WHY?? is this a sign of stagnance, stable or drifting realtionship?

i am lost for words.

at darliin's hse..

went to staciy's hse and slack cuz she wans to go 945 for her dinner/ supper.
thus i bath and rush out to meet her( dun worry i got wear alittle make up larz) lol
talk about our problems and listen to her pouring out her woes.

zhicong playing majong thus she very ji muo. haiz, actually i tink rite, zhicong keep mixing with his group of small frenz lyk not very good for staciy and his relationship lorz. maybe he nv realize but then where got brothers ask u to choose them over ur gf de? then they keep empasizing tt " 兄弟如手足， 女人就好比是衣服。。。。。。and asking zhi cong to choose them over staciy, they always wan to show staciy tt they are more important....." wad kind of a brother or gd fren is this lorz. even if alan spends time with his brothers alot but then at least they are not lyk tt lorz. haiz, staciy i really empathise with u.

are all relationships lyk tt? honeymoon period over then the guys will take u for granted. no longer tt passionate, tt loving, tt close together. the feeling tt u muz almost always be together, the fear tt someone will take ur girlfren away from u seems to be impossible to the guys. ( or at least it seems to us cuz u made us feel tt way, really) why? GUYS WHY ?

@ home :(

well, slacked at home today cuz i dun wanna put make up and go out, tired and mentally stressed. somemore tml gonna meet jaclyn to get my dress back and also to make sushi!! :)

slpt till full today, help mum dye her hair, check out the online renewal of passport details for my dad. rearrange and review his insurance policy, also to clean up and throw away the things tt i dun wan in my room, blah blah.......... actually quite alot of stuffs huh?

showed mummy how to go online watch tv and dl series haha.

haha, i am now 1 one tone darker le. cuz i went tanning at sentosa with jaclyn on wed. well, the photos are with her and i'll upload them when i get it from her.
:P

darling, i miss u lehz. ytd finish majong nv call mi. i was waiting for ur call u noe. but nvm, i noe u are tired. :) called biibii today ard 3 plus and he nv pick up. but then he returned the call again and told mi ytd he is too tired to call while lying on the bed, cuz phone on the table, lol. darling is busy with his business reg. will help him to do it when i get back to his house, most probably on mon. :) darling i love u so much!

at home thinking of...

well, finaly i am at my own hse.

but sad thing is i miss my darling.
yes, very much...
its already 3.41am le but then i am still wide awake.
cant slp cuz i am so used to laying on dear dear's chest/shoulder slowing drift into dreamland while he sayang mi...

was planning to meet jeslyn tml de but then something crop up thus well so we meet on sat instead.. gonna shop in giant cuz we plan to make sushi hee. she wans to surprise tze wei. so sweet rite?

haiz, darling playing majong at terry's hse.
darling i tot u say today go home early rest. hmph, naughty arhz u, i not at home then u jiu go out le huh?

wait till i see u i will spank u lorz. :)

i tell darling i go back to my hse dun wan come back le, then he say u will mehz... so sure lor he. hur! then i ask him if i stay at home till mon will he miss mi ? he say will larz. hee so happy.
darling say if i cannot slp on my own he also cant slp on his own. cuz he also used to hugging mi to slp le.

blissful life. darling i noe u actually dote on me alot. i noe, i can feel it. but its jus tt sometimes i need to spend some quality time with u, i wan to go out WITH u, not stay at home and wait, sometimes only wait for u to come home and lay down beside mi and slp, if u noe wad it truely means.
i am jus a girl, your little girl. i need ur care and concern almost all the time. i need to always noe tt u care about mi, u will be worried if i nv call or msg u, u will be angry when others bully or talk bad about mi, u will be happy when i am happy, u will feel sad too if i am sad, ur hurt will ache when i cry, ur shoulder will always be there when i need it,ur eyes will only be on mi, and on top of everything, u will always love mi, and only mi.
any relationship is lyk a pot of plant. u got to keep giving, constantly showering it with love, water it, take care of it, giving it attention. tts wad make it bloom all years long.
this is wad i promise u and i hope u will do the same. :)
biibii darling i love u, ALAN CHUA.

oh delicious gossips

Are u a fan of Xiaxue or Dawn Yang?
well i am a fan of xiaxue and thus i was gloating all over when i saw the posts in this blog.
whoever the writer is, thumbs up man, u are awesome!!!

Juicy it is:

http://theliesofdawn.blogspot.com/

everybody go read!!! quick!!!